Trust in the Lord

I am working my way through the 'Pilgrim Psalms' or 'Psalms of Ascent', these are Psalms 120 through to 134. Today I was reading Psalm 121 and as I allowed it to sink into my heart I was convicted of having lived a large portion of my life from a place of fear. Fear of losing those I love to some awful tragedy, fear of terminal illness, fear of being unable to control what life has to throw at you.

I realise that a large part of this fear has come from having lived in a country where horrible things happen. Where horrible things have happened to people I know and care about. My own husband was held at gunpoint and he listened as they discussed whether to shoot him in the head or the back. For me staying there was an invitation for harm to touch us personally at some point. I'm glad we left.

But all this sank deep into my heart and caused me to live from a place of fear. I have read those words from Psalm 121 many times and I struggled with them. Struggled to truly surrender the safety of my loved ones into Gods hands. I knew that I could trust God and that I should unconditionally hand my loved ones over but I just could not. Instead, I kept my focus on all these horrible things just as Peter took his eyes off Jesus whilst walking on the water (Matt 14: 25-30) and instead, looked at how huge the waves were, and began to sink.

Over the years this fear has wound it's choking, venomous grip on many areas in my life. However, over the past months, we have had to deal with a health issue in our family and I realised that whatever the outcome, I had no control anyway, no matter how much I worried or tried to find a solution. Mercifully the health issue has turned out to be something treatable, nothing life-threatening.

Today I read Psalm 121 and pondered on the scriptures. How can I truly surrender my fears and trust that God does indeed watch over us; will not allow our feet to slip; that He does watch over our lives and all our comings and goings?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3: 5-6

The words of this scripture committed to memory many years ago bubbled up. One sentence, but one that can be broken up, pondered on bit by bit, applied and practised.

* Trust in the Lord with all your heart 
    -What does it mean to trust with all my heart?
    - What does that look like in action?
    - What is my attitude toward trusting God? What has it been what should it be?
    - Actively surrender each moment that is driven from a point of fear.
    - Am I actively waiting on the Lord and being patient for an answer in His time not my own?

* Lean not on your own understanding
    - What is the source of my own understanding of the situations and decisions that I face?
    - Is my understanding based on Gods Word or on the customs of the world?
    - Before I act, clarify my understanding of things through Gods Word

* In all your ways acknowledge him
    - Am I seeking God when making decisions or seeking a solution?
    - Am I praying, reading Gods Word, seeking the wise advice of fellow Christians?
    - When I get an answer am I thanking God for His faithfulness?

* And he shall direct your paths
    - This is a promise that I can claim and trust.

I shall leave my thoughts there and look forward to seeing you back here soon with some more Christmas crafty posts.

Blessing to you all today...